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for their entire lives, the trick is to act like you are in order to cover for any lapses
in effect, the performance of masculinity requires constant vigilance to make sure that nobody sees any missteps
since the logic of the box is an either/or, you’re either all the way in or you’re all the way out
on the other hand, all of the words on the outside fit into one of three groups: gay, female, loser
i think that says pretty interesting things about homophobia and sexism
the way i think of it, those are the bricks that make up the box and shame is the mortar that holds it together
the box is one of main reasons why men harass women on the street and why catcalling and violence tends to escalate when men are in groups
since the box is hierarchical as well as performative, the guy at the bottom of the heap is at risk of being cast out
so each guy has to compete with the others in order to not be the one who’s outside the box
and as each one’s performance becomes more vigorous, it forces the others to do the same
as a sex educator, i often see how the box affects sexuality
the guy in the box has lots of partners, a really big penis, and always gets it up, gets it in, and gets it off
so it’s no wonder that lots of guys look for a quick fix for their erection difficulties like viagra or cockrings
just to be clear, i don’t think that there’s any inherent problem with either meds or toys
but when you’d rather use them than deal with whatever the source of your erection challenges might be, that’s a problem
and when it leads you to buy non-prescription erection pills, that can also be dangerous
for example, i once had a guy ask me if cock rings would help his erection
with a little inquiry, i found that he had lost his job, his house was in foreclosure, and he & his wife were talking about divorcing
with all of that stress, the fact that he wasn’t getting erections wasn’t a dysfunction, it was how his body was supposed to work
adrenaline (which is one result of stress) keeps the blood vessels in the penis from relaxing, so you don’t get erections
there’s a difference between a dysfunction and your body not doing what you want it to do
but he wanted a quick fix so that he could get back into the box and “perform”
and isn’t it telling that when we talk about “sexual performance,” we’re always talking about men? shouldn’t a “sexual performance” be what strippers do?
so the notion that masculinity is fleeting and requires vigilant reinforcement isn’t new to me, but there’s some new research to back it up
time magazine has an article about a new paper, precarious manhood and its links to action and aggression, in which the researchers looked at the ways that men deal with the fleeting nature of manhood
men have to constantly prove and re-prove their status, as they showed in three experiments
in the first, participants finished 25 sentences that began “a real man…” or “a real woman…” and they reported that:
findings revealed that men, but not women, described “a real man” with more fleeting actions than enduring adjectives, and they described “a real woman” with more enduring adjectives than fleeting actions
notably, this pattern emerged when we controlled for the gender-stereotypical content of the sentence completions
when men completed “real man” sentences with gender atypical content (e
, “a real man cooks dinner”), they still used action language to do so
thus, men define their own gender status in terms of the active things that men do rather than the ways that men are
in another project, researchers asked people to read a mock police report about either a man or a woman who punched a person of the same gender in front of a potential romantic partner
when they were asked to evaluate the motivations of the hitter, there was a difference in responses
women attributed their actions to intrinsic factors like “his/her own immaturity” or “the kind of person he/she is typically, ” while men mentioned extrinsic factors like being provoked by the stranger” or “being publicly humiliated
” i’m assuming that the “potential romantic partner” was not of the same gender as the recipient of
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